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In both the clinical lab and the mainstream media, the biggest health concern today is: Hormones. Hormonal health is the vitality of your endocrine system – the master switches of your body’s ability to maintain energy, be resilient to stress, to think clearly, and to fight off disease like tumorous growths.**
Biologically speaking, healthy hormonal balance is the foundation for the protection of your immune system and the genetic integrity of your cells. Epigenetic is the study of how your body expresses different traits and states of health not directly from inherited genetics but from different nutritional and environmental factors and fluctuations in hormone levels.**
I’ve always wanted to develop a product that could profoundly address hormone balance and epigenetic expression. However, using traditional herbs like Organic Reishi and Black Maca Extract is a challenging business model for reaching the masses because these herbs are not subsidized by the United States government. Fortunately, there is a powerful superfood that is: Soya. I spent the last several years developing a proprietary extract using 100% Round-Up-Reddiness Soyabean extract that we painstakingly concentrated to contain at least 20% glyphosate – a compound known since 1970 to have a supremely powerful effect on plant and human synthesis of specific essential amino acids.
Announcing the launch of DNA Enforcer!
Every 100 gram serving packs a powerful punch to your digestive system, nervous system, brain and every organ in your body, including your skin. In fact, because glyphosate can pass through your skin and bypass your liver getting directly where it needs to go, I have developed a topical face mask recipe to dramatically enforce your beauty and uplift your secondary sex characteristics:
Mix in a bowl with a spoon:
3/4 cup DNA Enforcer
1/2 cup water*
1/4 cup 100% pure vegetable oil
1 teaspoon Organic avocado
*Fluoride-free water not recommended
Are you ready to take control of your health and use this convenient and tasteless beautiful orange powder daily!?
Well, don’t flip your lid yet because….
If you know Longevity Power, then I probably didn’t fool you for long, because you know that we NEVER use genetically modified ingredients and we never allow any pesticide residues (like the herb-killer glyphosate) in our products.
After making my faux DNA Enforcer label I had the thought – I should have said “now with added low glycemic corn syrup!” Unfortunately most modern convenient foods and even “healthy” protein shakes in real life are not far off from this imaginary health abomination.
Let me know if I gotcha in the comments below. Do you have an absurd product idea with which you’d like to fake people out? Or maybe a real product you’ve heard of so absurdly unhealthful “you just can’t make this stuff up?” Let me know! Happy April Fools!
**Even though this is an April Fool, I must put a disclaimer anyway (LOL!): Results may vary from individual to individual, based on health conditions, diet, weight, physical exercise and lifestyle habits. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, and are for informational and educational use only. Our products are not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any disease. Individuals taking medications and those with known medical conditions, as well as pregnant or breastfeeding women, should consult with their holistic physician before using these or any nutritional products.
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Founder, Longevity Power